var quote = new Array()
quote[0] = "The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously
Nicholas Butler";
quote[1] = "Inside every sophisticated grownup adult is a little kid just dying to get out
Walt Disney";
quote[2] = "The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it
Bill Nye";
quote[3] = "A man\'s silence is wonderful to listen to
Thomas Hardy";
quote[4] = "Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand
Kurt Vonnegut";
quote[5] = "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death
Joan D. Vinge";
quote[6] = "Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it
Laurence J. Peter";
quote[7] = "Indecision may or may not be my problem
Jimmy Buffett";
quote[8] = "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be
Douglas Adams";
quote[9] = "Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death
James F. Byrnes";
quote[10] = "When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them
Rodney Dangerfield";
quote[11] = "You live and learn. At any rate, you live
Douglas Adams";
quote[12] = "Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there
Scott Adams";
quote[13] = "The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything
or nothing
Nancy Astor";
quote[14] = "One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done
Marie Curie";
quote[15] = "The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it
PB Medawar";
quote[16] = "The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much it is whether we provide enough for those who have little
Franklin D. Roosevelt";
quote[17] = "Irrationally held truths may be more harmful than reasoned errors
Thomas H. Huxley";
quote[18] = "Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn\'t mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar
Edward R. Murrow";
quote[19] = "The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men
George Eliot";
quote[20] = "If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams";
quote[21] = "Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle
Ken Hakuta";
quote[22] = "Silent gratitude isn\'t very much use to anyone
Gertrude Stein";
quote[23] = "The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking
AA Milne";
quote[24] = "The pig don\'t get any heavier by weighing it
Dorset Farmer (on measurement of results)";
quote[25] = "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so
William Shakespeare (Hamlet, scene ii)";
quote[26] = "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind
William James";
quote[27] = " If you change your mind, you can change your life
William James";
quote[28] = "Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule
Stephen King";
quote[29] = "Humour is everywhere, in that there\'s irony in just about anything a human does
Bill Nye";
quote[30] = "A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds
Sir Francis Bacon";
quote[31] = "The important thing is not to stop questioning
Albert Einstein";
quote[32] = "The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one
Joan Baez";
quote[33] = "Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle
Darby Conley";
quote[34] = "An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered
GK Chesterton";
quote[35] = "Don\'t accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange
Robin Morgan";
quote[36] = "The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority
Ralph W. Sockman";
quote[37] = "Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century
Dame Edna Everage";
quote[38] = "No one gossips about other people\'s secret virtues
Bertrand Russell";
quote[39] = "Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow
Oscar Wilde";
quote[40] = "The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear
Herbert Agar";
quote[41] = "It\'s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time
Tallulah Bankhead";
quote[42] = "Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it
Michel de Montaigne";
quote[43] = "The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter
Mark Twain";
quote[44] = "The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities
Sophocles";
quote[45] = "Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else\'s can shorten it
Cullen Hightower";
quote[46] = "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world
George Bernard Shaw";
quote[47] = "Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories
those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost
Russell Baker";
quote[48] = "I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy
JD Salinger";
quote[49] = "We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them
Charles Caleb Colton";
quote[50] = "I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there
Herb Caen";
quote[51] = "What others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves
Paul Valery";
quote[52] = "The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised
George F. Will";
quote[53] = "We are continually faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems
John W. Gardner";
quote[54] = "It\'s kind of fun to do the impossible
Walt Disney";
quote[55] = "Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh
WH Auden";
quote[56] = "The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it\'s just sort of a tired feeling
Paula Poundstone";
quote[57] = "The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers
Scott Adams";
quote[58] = "Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories
John Wilmot";
quote[59] = "It is easier to fight for one\'s principles than to live up to them
Alfred Adler";
quote[60] = "The future is much like the present, only longer
Dan Quisenberry";
quote[61] = "If you think that you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping n the same room as a mosquito
Anita Roddick";
quote[62] = "The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy
I mean that if you are happy you will be good
Bertrand Russell";
quote[63] = "Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment
Barry LePatner";
quote[64] = "Orville Wright did not have a pilot\'s license
Gordon MacKenzie";
quote[65] = "Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised
Marilyn Manson";
quote[66] = "I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work
Thomas A. Edison";
quote[67] = "Before God we are all equally wise
and equally foolish
Albert Einstein";
quote[68] = "First, Think: Second, Believe: Third, Dream: and Finally, Dare
Walt Disney";
quote[69] = "If you can find something everyone agrees on, it\'s wrong
Mo Udall";
quote[70] = "We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities
Walt Kelly";
quote[71] = "You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light
Vicomte de Chateaubriand";
quote[72] = "Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment
R. Buckminster Fuller";
quote[73] = "In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these
Paul Harvey";
quote[74] = "The most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it
Arnold Toynbee";
quote[75] = "The secret of being a bore is to tell everything
Voltaire";
quote[76] = "To be pleased with one\'s limits is a wretched state
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe";
quote[77] = "I stand by all the misstatements that I\'ve made
Dan Quayle";
quote[78] = "There are only four types of officer. First there are lazy, stupid ones. Leave them alone, they do no harm....Second, there are the hard-working intelligent ones. They make excellent staff officers, ensuring that every detail is properly considered. Third, there are the hard-working, stupid ones. These people are a menace and must be fired at once. They create irrelevant work for everybody. Finally, there are the intelligent lazy ones. They are suited for the highest office
Generalfeldmarschall Erich von Manstein";
quote[79] = "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones
Francois de La Rochefoucauld";
quote[80] = "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it
Mahatma Gandhi";
quote[81] = "I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there
Richard Feynman";
quote[82] = "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes
Henry David Thoreau";
quote[83] = "As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did
Robert Benchley";
quote[84] = "It is possible to be below flattery as well as above it
Thomas Babington Macaulay";
quote[85] = "I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours
Jerome K. Jerome";
quote[86] = "Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense
Gertrude Stein";
quote[87] = "The big thieves hang the little ones
Czech Proverb";
quote[88] = "A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends
Baltasar Gracian";
quote[89] = "The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously
Nicholas Butler";
quote[90] = "Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody
Benjamin Franklin";
quote[91] = "I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn\'t mine
Rita Rudner";
quote[92] = "Eighty percent of success is showing up
Woody Allen";
quote[93] = "Death is inevitable, but Life
that\'s the tricky bit where things happen
Simon Travaglia";
quote[94] = "Quit now, you\'ll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you\'ll be halfway there
David Zucker";
quote[95] = "Courage is doing what you\'re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you\'re scared
Eddie Rickenbacker";
quote[96] = "All our dreams can come true
if we have the courage to pursue them
Walt Disney";
quote[97] = "I know God will not give me anything I can\'t handle. I just wish that He didn\'t trust me so much
Mother Teresa";
quote[98] = "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be
Kurt Vonnegut";
quote[99] = "If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error
John Kenneth Galbraith";
quote[100] = "Hope is tomorrow\'s veneer over today\'s disappointment
Evan Esar";
quote[101] = "The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it
Francois de La Rochefoucauld";
quote[102] = "Those are my principles, and if you don\'t like them... well, I have others
Groucho Marx";
quote[103] = "The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them
Kin Hubbard";
quote[104] = "Never face facts; if you do, you\'ll never get up in the morning
Marlo Thomas";
quote[105] = "The opposite of talking isn\'t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting
Fran Lebowitz";
quote[106] = "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left
Oscar Levant";
quote[107] = "One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain\'t nothin\' can beat teamwork
Edward Abbey";
quote[108] = "If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things
Rene Descartes";
quote[109] = "Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame
Laurence J. Peter";
quote[110] = "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions
Albert Einstein";
quote[111] = "Oregano is the spice of life
Henry J. Tillman";
quote[112] = "Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men
Kin Hubbard";
quote[113] = "Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric
Bertrand Russell";
quote[114] = "One doesn\'t have a sense of humour. It has you
Larry Gelbart";
quote[115] = "It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English – up to fifty words used in correct context – no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese
Carl Sagan";
quote[116] = "In the beginning there was nothing. God said, \'Let there be light!\' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better
Ellen DeGeneres";
quote[117] = "Many would be cowards if they had courage enough
Thomas Fuller";
quote[118] = "To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg";
quote[119] = "There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun
Pablo Picasso";
quote[120] = "The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them
Albert Einstein";
quote[121] = "A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn\'t
Unknown";
quote[122] = "The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work
Robert Frost";
quote[123] = "When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers
Oscar Wilde";
quote[124] = "Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles
Frank Lloyd Wright";
quote[125] = "Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care
William Safire";
quote[126] = "I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it
Thomas Jefferson";
quote[127] = "This book fills a much-needed gap
Moses Hadas";
quote[128] = "Defining and analyzing humour is a pastime of humourless people
Robert Benchley";
quote[129] = "The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them
Samuel McChord Crothers";
quote[130] = "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake
Napoleon Bonaparte";
quote[131] = "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless
Thomas A. Edison";
quote[132] = "We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?
Ray Bradbury";
quote[133] = "Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it
Samuel Johnson";
quote[134] = "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know
Ernest Hemingway";
quote[135] = "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do
Walter Bagehot";
quote[136] = "Only the mediocre are always at their best
Jean Giraudoux";
quote[137] = "Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person
Ethel Mumford";
quote[138] = "The first question I ask myself when something doesn't seem to be beautiful is why do I think it's not beautiful. And very shortly you discover that there is no reason
John Cage";
quote[139] = "When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence
Brendan Behan";
quote[140] = "One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries
AA Milne";
quote[141] = "The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward
John Maynard Keynes";
quote[142] = "The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath
Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart";
quote[143] = "Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves
Robert Anton Wilson";
quote[144] = "I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top
An English Professor";
quote[145] = "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious
Peter Ustinov";
quote[146] = "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you
Rita Mae Brown";
quote[147] = "Never answer a critic, unless he's right
Bernard M. Baruch";
quote[148] = "Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane
Philip K. Dick";
quote[149] = "It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his job depends on not understanding it
Upton Sinclair";
quote[150] = "Imitation is the sincerest form of television
Fred Allen";
quote[151] = "One has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any other human experience
Alice James";
quote[152] = "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there
EH Gombrich";
quote[153] = "There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
Kin Hubbard";
quote[154] = "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained
Mark Twain";
quote[155] = "Someday we'll look back on this moment and plough into a parked car
Evan Davis";
quote[156] = "Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level
Quentin Crisp";
quote[157] = "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog
Peter Steiner";
quote[158] = "I'm a born-again atheist
Gore Vidal";
quote[159] = "Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry
George Ade";
quote[160] = "My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers
Woody Allen";
quote[161] = "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom
Soren Kierkegaard";
quote[162] = "Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats
Howard Aiken";
quote[163] = "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken
Benjamin Disraeli";
quote[164] = "Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made
Oscar Wilde";
quote[165] = "How my achievements mock me!
William Shakespeare";
quote[166] = "Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world
Lily Tomlin";
quote[167] = "Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood
Louise Beal";
quote[168] = "To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it
GK Chesterton";
quote[169] = "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works
John Gaule";
quote[170] = "Let your speech be better than silence, or be silent
Dionysius of Halicarnassus";
quote[171] = "If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much
Donald H. Rumsfeld";
quote[172] = "My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular
Adlai E. Stevenson Jr";
quote[173] = "The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing
Henry S. Haskins";
quote[174] = "You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience
Stanislaw J. Lec";
quote[175] = "Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens
Nick Diamos";
quote[176] = "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away
Philip K. Dick";
quote[177] = "We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree with us
Francois de La Rochefoucauld";
quote[178] = "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters
Margaret Halsey";
quote[179] = "Let not the sands of time get in your lunch
National Lampoon";
quote[180] = "Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought
Sir William Osler";
quote[181] = "Nihilism is best done by professionals
Iggy Pop";
quote[182] = "It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off
Woody Allen";
quote[183] = "I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer";
quote[184] = "In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself
nature does it for you
Frank Wilczek";
quote[185] = "The more things change, the more they remain... insane
Michael Fry and T. Lewis";
quote[186] = "Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist
Ralph Waldo Emerson";
quote[187] = "Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
Henry Ward Beecher";
quote[188] = "The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth
Charles Luckman";
quote[189] = "No human thing is of serious importance
Plato";
quote[190] = "No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather
Michael Pritchard";
quote[191] = "Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away
Robert Orben";
quote[192] = "Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not colour, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end
Jerry Seinfeld";
quote[193] = "I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork
Peter De Vries";
quote[194] = "The forceps of our minds are clumsy forceps, and crush the truth a little in taking hold of it
HG Wells";
quote[195] = "Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch
Orson Welles";
quote[196] = "You're never too old to become younger
Mae West";
quote[197] = "A cult is a religion with no political power
Tom Wolfe";
quote[198] = "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age
Lucille Ball";
quote[199] = "A poem is never finished, only abandoned
Paul Valery";
quote[200] = "No good deed goes unpunished
Clare Booth Luce";
quote[201] = "Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions
Cullen Hightower";
quote[202] = "The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget
Thomas Szasz";
quote[203] = "Silence is the virtue of fools
Sir Francis Bacon";
quote[204] = "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been
Gerald R. Ford";
quote[205] = "Laughter is the closest distance between two people
Victor Borge";
quote[206] = "All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them
Walt Disney";
quote[207] = "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Viktor E. Frankl";
quote[208] = "Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
Jimi Hendrix";
quote[209] = "A clever man commits no minor blunders.
Goethe";
quote[210] = "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
Richard Bach";
quote[211] = "I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.)";
quote[212] = "If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
Mario Andretti";
quote[213] = "There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)";
quote[214] = "When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)";
quote[215] = "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win
Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948)";
quote[216] = "Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together
Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)";
quote[217] = "While we are postponing, life speeds by
Seneca (3BC - 65AD)";
var Q = quote.length;
var whichQuote = Math.round(Math.random()*(Q-1));
function showQuote(){document.write("A quotation:
"); document.write(quote[whichQuote]);}
showQuote();